Bastinne's surrogacy story

            It’s no secret, I am a surrogate! Where did this journey begin? What made me decide to venture into this unknown territory? What drew me to want to even be a surrogate? All things I will explain to you!

            I am first and foremost wife to my husband Benjamin, we met while we were both active duty in the Navy in 2010. We eventually got married in 2011, and quickly welcomed our first son, Jacob into the world in 2012. He was a surprise, we were not expecting him so soon, but it was God’s plan, and it was great. Jacob taught us so much, while we were still young 20’s budding adults. Life continued on, and soon I was finished with my 4-year enlistment  in 2013 and headed to my homeland of Idaho. I had wanted another child fairly quickly after Jacob was born (I’m literally insane, I know) but Ben wasn’t quite ready (we joke that we still aren’t ‘ready’ for Jacob…and he is now 3.5 years old!) anyways, let’s say from mid- 2012 until late-2013 we were NOT preventing pregnancy. I was out of the military, we just moved back to Idaho and just barely getting our feet on the ground being full-fledged civilians again. Somewhere around 4 months into ‘trying’ to have another baby, I realized…well…nothing was happening. My cycles were always, ALWAYS irregular, very hard to track and basically felt pretty dang helpless. I had many friends ‘easily’ having babies of their own, and I even reminded myself that Jacob was an ‘easy’ conception. Truth is, it’s not ‘easy’ to just conceive. It’s truly a miracle when it does happen, that little sperm has SO many odds against ‘him’ it really is amazing when a zygote is formed. As time went on, I found myself crying nearly every night and questioning my fertility capabilities. What if Jacob was TRULY, my miracle child? Did I have some underlying problem I didn’t know about? We did not have the ability to see fertility doctors, or get testing done, so we had to just let it go.

Tears were shed, it was over a year since trying to have another baby, and still, nothing. I became completely irrational, moody and hard to deal with (says Ben) and we tried to just remain hopeful that clearly it was not God’s plan for us to have baby #2. Besides, Jacob was easy enough, and we did have our hands full being full-time working parents, and Ben was also a full-time student. It was September 2013, and by then I had given up ‘trying’ and honestly we were SO busy, we had just moved into our new apartment that our love-life majorly lacked for a short while. Ben finally said that we should just get some long-term birth control and forget the idea of ‘trying’ for a few years. Just to ‘refresh’ ourselves, and move forward with our lives. I was reluctant, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad idea. Funny thing, that day I had been feeling quite, off, pretty tired and unexplainably moody. I said “Fine, since YOU don’t want kids, I better take a pregnancy test and I’ll call my doctor tomorrow to talk about Mirena!” (pretty callous thing to say, and I hope I apologized!) I then took the test, and instantly BOOM it was mega positive. I was in utter shock, and awe.

Needless to say, we did not get the birth control and 9 months later our 2^nd son, Benson was born. I wanted to mention all of that because although I was not infertile, or diagnosed with an actual medical issue, I knew that I had difficulties conceiving! Usually pregnancies will occur within a year of active trying, and I had gone well beyond that year. I shed so many tears! I had hurt feelings when a friend would mention her new pregnancy, and I kind of, in the slightest (because I am not infertile) can empathize with woman who have struggled to conceive. It is utterly heartbreaking, and terrifying. With my utmost sincerity, I wish that upon no woman. The feelings, the sadness and heartbreak would wreck me nearly every night and it was hard to be romantic.

            Shortly after Benson was born, I knew that I wanted for NO woman or man to experience infertility, even though we all know it happen, I wanted to somehow help. I began re-searching surrogacy in summer 2014, discussed it with Ben but decided the time was just not right because Benson was still so little. So, we put it aside and waited.

Eventually, February 2015, I started to research again, and got hooked! I watched videos, read countless blogs and joined tons of Facebook groups (not always the best source of information, but still, very nice to see other ladies journeys unfold) and eventually, Ben and I agreed the timing was better to start seeking an agency to work with. Overall, It took 9 active months of searching for the right couple to help assist become parents. I don’t want to sound smug, so I wish I could convey this in the most sincerest, and non-smug way possible that I had some standing beliefs about what I envisioned surrogacy to be like. Nearly every little girl envisions her wedding, and has ideas of what she wants to happen. Well, with me, I knew that I wanted to help a family that wanted to be super involved in their baby’s development, the appointments, and sharing the joy, and tears (of happiness or sadness) and I wanted to bond with the intended parents, not something that can be forced or negotiated. So, we dealt with a few different families and although they were great, we had some issues and unfortunately it is wise to move on when something doesn’t feel quite right thus leading us to seek independently without a surrogacy agency involved. (NO MIDDLE MAN!)

Months later, we met E & B (names not mentioned for privacy protection) in September 2015. They are not from Idaho, and live across the country. This was something Ben and I were totally OK with. From the very first conversation, Ben and I, along with E & B agreed on so many deep aspects of surrogacy. I knew that they were the ones! Right away, we got the ball rolling and medically I was approved, and on the way to starting the medications once the legal contract was signed!

I knew in my heart that this is my calling. I so deeply, and profoundly wanted to be a surrogate. I can’t explain the joys, and also the stress of starting the process. Sometimes emotions run wild! I am scared, I am happy, I am eager. I don’t know what to expect or do if something does not go as planned, for example…miscarriage or maybe some other anomaly happens. As with any normal pregnancy, you tread cautiously and optimistically. I pray a lot for this baby, and for his parents. As a surrogate, you have to mentally distance yourself in a way that is not callous, but loving. I guess the best way to put it would be like this: Your friend asks you to babysit their child while they get deployed. It will be 7-9 months of you feeding, caring and of course loving on their child. Each night you will treat their baby, like your babies in the sense that you only want the best. However, when the baby’s parent’s return from deployment, you graciously hand their child back with loving tears in your eyes, you’re sad to see the baby go home, but so thankful and joyful that the baby has a wonderful home to be raised in. That’s the best way to describe surrogacy.

I am now 10 weeks pregnant with a little boy to the most loving, and beautiful family. They do not have children yet, and this just makes the little spark in me, ignite with happiness! Do you remember laying eyes on your child for the first time? You counted their toes, and fingers right? You nuzzled the soft downy hair, and wanted to see if your baby had blue, green or brown eyes! Guess what? I remember when I saw Jacob the first time, I counted his fingers and toes immediately and said…He’s perfect.

I feel blessed to have the honor, and it truly is an honor to carry, grow and nurture in my body a baby who is SO wanted, and SO loved even before conception. It truly is an honor to be a surrogate, because it is not an easy task. The choice to become a surrogate was not made overnight. I spoke with so many other ladies who ventured down this road before and I got some beautiful, and tough insight. Not every story has a rainbow at the end, and we must fully prepare ourselves to experience, and to share heartache. I am not an expert, and I feel like I officially become a surrogate, when this little boy is born.

I hope that my small testimony may open your heart, and mind to the joy that it brings If you have any questions, or maybe have it in your heart to be a surrogate one day, reach out to the many surrogacy agencies, or seek to become an independent surrogate like myself, because it is possible! It’s rewarding, and beautiful.

Thank you Bundled Blessings for sharing my testimony, and my heart!

-Bastinne Simon *I don’t in anyway speak on behalf of any surrogates, this is purely my interpretation and views. While these are my thoughts, beliefs and history not all surrogates believe the same things or have the same views as I do regarding surrogacy.*