Thursday, June 30, 2016

When IVF Doesn't Work




The decision to do IVF is one that doesn’t just happen on a whim for most couples. It typically comes after months or years of different fertility treatments, months of planning financially, and then emotionally preparing yourself and your spouse for the physical and mental toll that the whole process is going to take on your body. Getting to that first day of your IVF cycle is a whole process in and of itself. Then there is the actual process of IVF to go through. The shots that happen 2-3 times per day, the daily appointments and blood draws, the ultrasounds, and that is only the physical side. Emotionally it is a roller coaster of a ride. You find yourself wanting to be so positive and so hopeful, but on the inside you are having a meltdown, over analyzing every aspect of the procedure, and then you find yourself asking every single person you know who has gone through IVF for their experience. Did they have cramps? Spotting? Did their nose start imagining smells like yours did? It’s pretty crazy what you go through during an IVF cycle. And, if your anything like me, you may have been 100% positive that IVF was going to work for you. That this was the last thing you were going to have to do to get that sweet baby you’ve been dreaming of. In fact, you’ve taken a poll of all of those women you know who have done IVF and it worked for all of them… so you’re sure it will work for you too. So sure you’d bet your life on it. So what happens, what do you do, when IVF doesn’t work?


I will never forget the day we took our second blood test for our first round of IVF. I was nervous and excited and so anxious. After my blood draw, it seemed that the clock stopped moving and the phone call with the results would never come. Maybe you’ve experienced this too? And if you’re like me… you’ve experienced the phone ringing and your heart beating out of your chest. You’ve experienced thinking to yourself, “This is it! This is the phone call that is going to change my life! This is the moment where I find out I’m going to be a mom.” And if you are like me, you’ve also experienced when that moment goes from potentially the best moment of your life, to your world collapsing in on you. When the nurse tells you, you aren’t pregnant and that all that work you just put in, all those shots, blood draws and appointments didn’t work. And it’s at that moment that with a broken heart you have to face the reality of when IVF doesn’t work. So what do you do? I personally went through a few stages of healing and I wanted to share them.

The first was the tears. I am sure lots of people can relate. Allow yourself to cry. It’s healing. Allow yourself to cry and be heartbroken. Don’t bottle that up. Cry to your husband, your mom, your IVF person, and your pillow. Allow yourself the ability to feel. For me, this lasted a few days. And it was off and on. I’d be ok and then I’d break down and cry again, but boy am I so glad I cried.

The second, for me, was a bit of anger. I suppose this phase may have slightly over crossed with the tears phase, but that anger was real. It wasn’t necessarily directed at anyone in particular. For me, it was mostly that I was just mad at the universe. I was mad that I had been dealt the cards I had.

After anger, I immediately needed to start planning. Within just a few days of our first round of IVF failing, my husband and I were back in the office with our doctor discussing what to do next. Having a plan made me feel like hope wasn’t lost. Whether your plan is to try again immediately, to wait a few months, wait a few years, move on to adoption, or plan that next vacation and give yourself a break from trying, make a plan for yourself. Some days my plan was to simply get through the day, but I always had a plan and for some reason it made a world of a difference. So make a plan, keep moving forward, even if it is just baby steps.

I realize that everyone heals differently and that what worked for me isn’t going to always work for someone else, but my hope in writing this is that, if you’ve already found yourself in this situation… or you find yourself in this situation now or someday, that you don’t give up. Sometimes it’s when you think you can’t possibly handle something, you learn that you can and that you are stronger because of it. So don’t give up. Remember what Margaret Thatcher said “You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”

-Kamryn
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9 comments:

  1. Nice Blog!
    Repeated IVF failure is not easy for couples who are desperately trying to have a baby. Couples feel helpless when repetitive IVF cycles keep failing to help them get pregnant. They turn to the doctor in hope of some miraculous solution for this repeated IVF failure.
    Medicover Fertility Clinics offer advanced IVF treatment using the latest technology and equipment to provide the best possible success rate.

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  3. Hello Author,
    This is really interesting one !
    All the points which you have covered is really useful regarding basic infertility scenarios and treatment.
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  5. IVF will be failed due to so many reasons. At that time of treatment, people don't take stress and need to follow the healthy diet. It it fails at one time, you again try for another cycle.

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