Landon and I were married in December of
2003. About one year later, we felt it was time to bring more people into our
family! We started our journey but skipped “trying” during the months that could
possibly bring us a baby in December; who would want that?! I am a worrier. So
it only took a few months of no results to make me concerned. We started our
charting, knowing that's what the doctors would recommend next. We lived in
Idaho at the time and met with a wonderful doctor a few months after that who,
after seeing that my "charts" were anything but consistent or
patterned, prescribed chlomid and ran a few other tests. Good news. My thyroid
was normal. All of this was so foreign and weird and invasive to me. Little did
I know, that that was nothin'! We tried several months of on and off chlomid
treatments.
After about two years of trying, we
moved to Ohio for graduate school and took a break, cuz that's what everyone
says to do. That will be the solution...just stop thinking about it so much and
it will happen, right?! While we were "not thinking about it", my 16
yr old sister had a friend who decided to place her baby with a family and she
was wondering if we'd ever considered adoption. We hadn't. We didn't feel like
we'd gone too far down the fertility path yet to feel like we could justify
adoption. However, after many prayers and fasting we decided to take a leap
into the dark and meet with an LDS family services caseworker. He was amazing.
He was kind and helpful and willing to work with our short time frame, even
though the birthmother was still trying to make a final decision about an
adoptive couple. We had almost finished our visits, interviews, and paperwork
to be approved when we found out the birth mother chose another, probably far
more deserving, couple instead of us. I was devastated. I didn't understand. We
were AWESOME! It was a girl, and I'd always thought I would have a girl first. The
way it all came together seemed so directed and inspired and meant to be. And I
was a tad bitter.
So I said, forget adoption, we'll make
our own baby! We met with a new doctor in Ohio. I had a few recommendations to
this doctor. He may have been great for women who knew how to make babies, but
I didn't seem to know how and he didn't seem to care so much, but was willing
to go through the motions anyway.
He had both of us tested. My tubes were
crystal clear and Landon's swimmers were stellar. So, I must just not be
ovulating correctly. Chlomid again and a shot to make me ovulate on schedule
for a few more months, none of which worked. Then we realized the chlomid was
over stimulating and creating cysts. I was in pain and we needed another break.
During this break, just before Christmas
of Landon's second year of grad school, our caseworker called to check in on us
and see if we'd like to finish the adoption approval process. We thought we
might as well, we were already $1000 in!
This time it felt a little different. It
felt more relaxed and focused and like we were headed down the right path. I
almost found myself relieved when I wasn't pregnant every month because I was
looking forward to adoption and I had a feeling once we were approved we would
be chosen quickly. We were approved the end of May and chosen in June. I quit
my job and we flew to Washington together to pick up our preemie, baby boy. We
had three weeks to get to know this birth mother. She was cute and fun and
friendly. I can't think of many kind things to say about the birth father. He
was really putting up a fight but had agreed to sign just before we left Ohio.
We met with him to try to reassure him, but every time we tried to go to the
hospital to see the baby and the birth mother there was too much drama and we
weren't allowed to go. After two days hanging out in Spokane, the birth father
finally talked the birth mother into keeping the baby.
I bawled for two days straight, I
screamed, I swore, I was angry.
I stayed in Idaho with my family for a
week while Landon went home for school. I finally went home too, because what I
really needed was my husband. But I was terrified to go back to our church
family and friends, 21 of which were expecting. It felt like a slap in the
face. I decided to keep busy and hunt for a new job. I found one in a matter of
weeks. It was a wonderful job with wonderful people I still try to keep in
touch with. With the job search out of the way, we went forward with fertility
treatments again. We tried two rounds of IUI, but I could tell our timing was
off. Over the next year and a half, we met and spoke with and were
"chosen" by several birth mothers. Some were scammers, some were
scared, young girls exploring their options, some were sincere, but just
couldn't do it in the end, including one girl we spoke to often who was having
twins, a boy and a girl. She let me know on Mother's Day that she was getting
married and keeping the babies. She contacted me a month later to say she'd
changed her mind and they still wanted us to have the babies. The babies were
born the day before my birthday and she texted me on my birthday to let me know
they were keeping the twins.
Why did I feel so great about adoption
if it wasn't going to work out either?
Four months later we were chosen again. Our contact with
this birth mother was a little sporadic, but I wanted to give her space, she
wasn't due until the middle to end of January. It was only November. Then she
went into labor at 31 weeks. A problem we hadn't had yet! They kept that baby
cooking for three more weeks. We were in Idaho at the time, while Landon
completed an externship. The day she came we told all of our families and drove
all day and all night to get to her, in Ohio. She was two days old by the time
we got to the hospital and the birth mother put our name for the baby, Bexley,
on the birth certificate and waited to see her until we arrived. The birth
father visited her in the NICU several times until we got there so she wasn't
lonely and often put his finger in her hand and she would hold tightly. When he
walked us back to her bed, he wanted to show us his trick. But when he placed
his finger in her hand, she didn't grasp it. Landon asked if he could try. The
moment he placed his finger in her hand she grabbed ahold of him. It was like
she knew her daddy was finally there.
However, in the state of Ohio, a birth
parent cannot sign within the first 72 hours. I was so anxious for the next 24
hours, we were exhausted. Thankfully we slept well that night and woke the next
morning to a phone call from our caseworker letting us know the papers were
signed and Bexley was ours! A December baby, but a girl, as I'd always hoped.
Immediately we started getting the
comments about getting pregnant now because we were relaxed and that's what
happens to everyone that adopts. The whole process took nearly
three years the first time, so we thought we'd get started early the second
time around and met with another caseworker just after Bexley's first birthday.
This time I wasn't feeling as focused on adoption. I just kept feeling a pull to
the fertility avenue again and again.
Over the next year we were approved for
adoption again and moved across the country, back to Idaho. Bexley was growing
up. She was a smart and entertaining little ball of fire. She was always
"playing with her brothers" and telling us where they were and what
they were doing. So, after having another adoption for a little boy fall
through, I was determined to try everything we could down the fertility road
just so I never wondered if we'd done all we could.
I met with Idaho Center for Reproduction
Medicine, told the doctor what we'd been through and told her I just wanted to
try a couple more rounds of IUI before we jumped into IVF. She did an
ultrasound first and found some scary looking cysts that would have to be
removed surgically. We scheduled the surgery right away. That surgery resulted
in the removal of one ovary and the discovery of severe endometriosis. Too
severe to clean up without doing more harm than good. We also discovered that
one of my fallopian tubes was completely blocked. Our only shot at getting
pregnant now was IVF and the tube would have to be removed first. We scheduled
another surgery for the tubal ligation one month later. Bexley was
2 1/2 and we were finally ready for the IVF journey. By November, we went in
for egg retrieval. We started with 12 eggs and ended up with three viable for
transfer. We decided to transfer two, since it was only a 10% chance of both
implanting. Ten days later the nurse called to tell us our numbers were through
the roof, we were definitely expecting. I immediately dropped to my knees and
offered a heartfelt prayer of gratitude.
The night before our first ultrasound I
turned to Landon and told him I was worried they were going to tell us there
were two babies growing in my belly. I thought for sure he would reassure me
that there was only one and all would be well. Nope. He'd been having the same
thought. The next day was Bexley's birthday. We went in for the ultrasound
while she was at preschool and found out she was going to be a big sister to
two babies. A few months later we found out it would be those brothers she'd
always been playing with and talking about, though she was devastated she
wasn't getting a sister somewhere in there.
The pregnancy, delivery, and recovery
was not enjoyable, but it was smooth and wonderful at the same time.
The twins are now 2 1/2 years old and we
are preparing to use our final frozen embryo!
