Kara and Landon's Journey Through Adoption and IVF

                                   

Landon and I were married in December of 2003. About one year later, we felt it was time to bring more people into our family! We started our journey but skipped “trying” during the months that could possibly bring us a baby in December; who would want that?! I am a worrier. So it only took a few months of no results to make me concerned. We started our charting, knowing that's what the doctors would recommend next. We lived in Idaho at the time and met with a wonderful doctor a few months after that who, after seeing that my "charts" were anything but consistent or patterned, prescribed chlomid and ran a few other tests. Good news. My thyroid was normal. All of this was so foreign and weird and invasive to me. Little did I know, that that was nothin'! We tried several months of on and off chlomid treatments.

After about two years of trying, we moved to Ohio for graduate school and took a break, cuz that's what everyone says to do. That will be the solution...just stop thinking about it so much and it will happen, right?! While we were "not thinking about it", my 16 yr old sister had a friend who decided to place her baby with a family and she was wondering if we'd ever considered adoption. We hadn't. We didn't feel like we'd gone too far down the fertility path yet to feel like we could justify adoption. However, after many prayers and fasting we decided to take a leap into the dark and meet with an LDS family services caseworker. He was amazing. He was kind and helpful and willing to work with our short time frame, even though the birthmother was still trying to make a final decision about an adoptive couple. We had almost finished our visits, interviews, and paperwork to be approved when we found out the birth mother chose another, probably far more deserving, couple instead of us. I was devastated. I didn't understand. We were AWESOME! It was a girl, and I'd always thought I would have a girl first. The way it all came together seemed so directed and inspired and meant to be. And I was a tad bitter.

So I said, forget adoption, we'll make our own baby! We met with a new doctor in Ohio. I had a few recommendations to this doctor. He may have been great for women who knew how to make babies, but I didn't seem to know how and he didn't seem to care so much, but was willing to go through the motions anyway.

He had both of us tested. My tubes were crystal clear and Landon's swimmers were stellar. So, I must just not be ovulating correctly. Chlomid again and a shot to make me ovulate on schedule for a few more months, none of which worked. Then we realized the chlomid was over stimulating and creating cysts. I was in pain and we needed another break.

During this break, just before Christmas of Landon's second year of grad school, our caseworker called to check in on us and see if we'd like to finish the adoption approval process. We thought we might as well, we were already $1000 in!

This time it felt a little different. It felt more relaxed and focused and like we were headed down the right path. I almost found myself relieved when I wasn't pregnant every month because I was looking forward to adoption and I had a feeling once we were approved we would be chosen quickly. We were approved the end of May and chosen in June. I quit my job and we flew to Washington together to pick up our preemie, baby boy. We had three weeks to get to know this birth mother. She was cute and fun and friendly. I can't think of many kind things to say about the birth father. He was really putting up a fight but had agreed to sign just before we left Ohio. We met with him to try to reassure him, but every time we tried to go to the hospital to see the baby and the birth mother there was too much drama and we weren't allowed to go. After two days hanging out in Spokane, the birth father finally talked the birth mother into keeping the baby.

I bawled for two days straight, I screamed, I swore, I was angry.

I stayed in Idaho with my family for a week while Landon went home for school. I finally went home too, because what I really needed was my husband. But I was terrified to go back to our church family and friends, 21 of which were expecting. It felt like a slap in the face. I decided to keep busy and hunt for a new job. I found one in a matter of weeks. It was a wonderful job with wonderful people I still try to keep in touch with. With the job search out of the way, we went forward with fertility treatments again. We tried two rounds of IUI, but I could tell our timing was off. Over the next year and a half, we met and spoke with and were "chosen" by several birth mothers. Some were scammers, some were scared, young girls exploring their options, some were sincere, but just couldn't do it in the end, including one girl we spoke to often who was having twins, a boy and a girl. She let me know on Mother's Day that she was getting married and keeping the babies. She contacted me a month later to say she'd changed her mind and they still wanted us to have the babies. The babies were born the day before my birthday and she texted me on my birthday to let me know they were keeping the twins.

Why did I feel so great about adoption if it wasn't going to work out either?

Four months later we were chosen again. Our contact with this birth mother was a little sporadic, but I wanted to give her space, she wasn't due until the middle to end of January. It was only November. Then she went into labor at 31 weeks. A problem we hadn't had yet! They kept that baby cooking for three more weeks. We were in Idaho at the time, while Landon completed an externship. The day she came we told all of our families and drove all day and all night to get to her, in Ohio. She was two days old by the time we got to the hospital and the birth mother put our name for the baby, Bexley, on the birth certificate and waited to see her until we arrived. The birth father visited her in the NICU several times until we got there so she wasn't lonely and often put his finger in her hand and she would hold tightly. When he walked us back to her bed, he wanted to show us his trick. But when he placed his finger in her hand, she didn't grasp it. Landon asked if he could try. The moment he placed his finger in her hand she grabbed ahold of him. It was like she knew her daddy was finally there.

However, in the state of Ohio, a birth parent cannot sign within the first 72 hours. I was so anxious for the next 24 hours, we were exhausted. Thankfully we slept well that night and woke the next morning to a phone call from our caseworker letting us know the papers were signed and Bexley was ours! A December baby, but a girl, as I'd always hoped.

Immediately we started getting the comments about getting pregnant now because we were relaxed and that's what happens to everyone that adopts. The whole process took nearly three years the first time, so we thought we'd get started early the second time around and met with another caseworker just after Bexley's first birthday. This time I wasn't feeling as focused on adoption. I just kept feeling a pull to the fertility avenue again and again.

Over the next year we were approved for adoption again and moved across the country, back to Idaho. Bexley was growing up. She was a smart and entertaining little ball of fire. She was always "playing with her brothers" and telling us where they were and what they were doing. So, after having another adoption for a little boy fall through, I was determined to try everything we could down the fertility road just so I never wondered if we'd done all we could.

I met with Idaho Center for Reproduction Medicine, told the doctor what we'd been through and told her I just wanted to try a couple more rounds of IUI before we jumped into IVF. She did an ultrasound first and found some scary looking cysts that would have to be removed surgically. We scheduled the surgery right away. That surgery resulted in the removal of one ovary and the discovery of severe endometriosis. Too severe to clean up without doing more harm than good. We also discovered that one of my fallopian tubes was completely blocked. Our only shot at getting pregnant now was IVF and the tube would have to be removed first. We scheduled another surgery for the tubal ligation one month later. Bexley was 2 1/2 and we were finally ready for the IVF journey. By November, we went in for egg retrieval. We started with 12 eggs and ended up with three viable for transfer. We decided to transfer two, since it was only a 10% chance of both implanting. Ten days later the nurse called to tell us our numbers were through the roof, we were definitely expecting. I immediately dropped to my knees and offered a heartfelt prayer of gratitude.

The night before our first ultrasound I turned to Landon and told him I was worried they were going to tell us there were two babies growing in my belly. I thought for sure he would reassure me that there was only one and all would be well. Nope. He'd been having the same thought. The next day was Bexley's birthday. We went in for the ultrasound while she was at preschool and found out she was going to be a big sister to two babies. A few months later we found out it would be those brothers she'd always been playing with and talking about, though she was devastated she wasn't getting a sister somewhere in there.

The pregnancy, delivery, and recovery was not enjoyable, but it was smooth and wonderful at the same time.

The twins are now 2 1/2 years old and we are preparing to use our final frozen embryo!